Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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