Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
