Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
