i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
