u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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