we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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