This is not my ceiling
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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