I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
