conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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