put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
