She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
