Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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