No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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