Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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