Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
