i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
