I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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