..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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