Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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