How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
The adults are the big ones right?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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