I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
