Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
