'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
and you fell through a lawn chair
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
