Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
