Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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