Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
