soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
