You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
it glows. i had to have it.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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