Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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