Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
