All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
40s are totally the cure
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
