Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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