yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
