look no pants
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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