I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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