I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
