There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
