I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
