Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
