somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
