Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize