you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
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Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
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The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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