have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just invented taco cereal.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My ass is underappreciated
I FOUND THE LEGS
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
