i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
