I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
