His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
