I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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