I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Blood and glitter go together right?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
