I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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