I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
