Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
