dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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