After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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