there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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