we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
