Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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