So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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