it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
a search helicopter?!
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
