My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.