Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
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I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
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I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.