were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
please come you make the beer taste better
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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