Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
