Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
