Texts From Last Night

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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.

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  (306): I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher. http://tfl.nu/r85b
  Replies (8) Good night (3077) Bad night (613)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam

  (630): View more from Illinois

  no, it is just poor

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  (248): windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam (630): no, it is just poor http://tfl.nu/96gb
  Replies (75) Good night (785) Bad night (2559)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?

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  (720): how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot? http://tfl.nu/rnjj
  Replies (17) Good night (661) Bad night (2985)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  Your vagain smells worse when im sober.

  (903): View more from Texas

  sorry, worng number

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  (903): Your vagain smells worse when im sober. (903): sorry, worng number http://tfl.nu/xznv
  Replies (20) Good night (700) Bad night (4097)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.

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  (305): Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS. http://tfl.nu/tzd0
  Replies (47) Good night (809) Bad night (9476)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.

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  (256): I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics. http://tfl.nu/u31h
  Replies (25) Good night (5562) Bad night (1084)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.

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  (913): The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight. http://tfl.nu/vdus
  Replies (1) Good night (1032) Bad night (2116)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.

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  (910): A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work. http://tfl.nu/czmo
  Replies (7) Good night (3566) Bad night (771)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?

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  (701): Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it? http://tfl.nu/2zni
  Replies (9) Good night (2662) Bad night (1082)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises

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  (306): You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises http://tfl.nu/ccm4
  Replies (4) Good night (1605) Bad night (910)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"

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  (250): His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer" http://tfl.nu/we03
  Replies (5) Good night (1180) Bad night (501)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  Do you have paint?

  (727): View more from Florida

  Paint? I wish

  (727): View more from Florida

  OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING

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  (352): Do you have paint? (727): Paint? I wish (727): OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING http://tfl.nu/qyml
  Replies (2) Good night (830) Bad night (338)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.

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  (312): If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes. http://tfl.nu/vx4i
  Replies (4) Good night (1029) Bad night (312)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.

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  (416): Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life. http://tfl.nu/edw4
  Replies (10) Good night (402) Bad night (465)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.

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  (732): I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves. http://tfl.nu/qhy3
  Replies (3) Good night (559) Bad night (388)

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