I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious