OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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