His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
