In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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