I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
They should really pass out barf bags in church
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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