This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
