Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
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Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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