But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
