I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
