Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
