dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
